


The Fire Within Us

by ashryverblue



Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Light BDSM, Mild Kink, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Smut, feycien - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-08
Updated: 2017-08-19
Packaged: 2018-12-12 23:47:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11747688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashryverblue/pseuds/ashryverblue
Summary: AU. In the Spring Court, after Under the Mountain, Feyre and Lucien are having a secret, steamy affair behind Tamlin's back. Lots of smut and angst. No happy endings guaranteed. Each chapter will have warnings for level/type of smut.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Warning, this chapter contains smut and mild BDSM stuff (like hair pulling, slapping etc). I've never done this before so I'm sorry if my warnings aren't adequate. If there's anyway I can improve my tags please let me know asap.
> 
> This fic will have more chapters in the foreseeable future.
> 
> I hope you like this and thanks for reading.

Lucien and I rode in silence through the Spring Court forest, our bows and arrows strapped to our torsos, gazes fixed ahead of us, intent on the hunt. Or at least, that’s how it would look to anyone watching us. Tamlin, as always, had promised to go with me and, as always, had ended up too busy with Court business. So he sent his emissary to chaperone me instead.  
I could hear the horses’ hooves striking the earth beneath us, and I could see blue skies and greenery in every direction. Even though I wasn’t looking at Lucien, I could sense his movements, the reds and oranges of his hair blowing long and free in the wind, both his metallic and his Fae eyes casting sidelong glances at me every few moments. I could sense the tension in him too, the same edge of desire running through my own veins.  
I felt a ripple of ancient magic as we passed the barrier. Neither of us knew where it had come from, or for how long it had been there. All we knew was that it provided protection from spying eyes. Protection from sight, and from anyone or anything who answered to Tamlin. If Tamlin knew of its existence, he was too proud to acknowledge it.  
We galloped on until we reached the area near the clearing, and we stopped our horses by the edge of the forest. We both dismounted and left the horses about ten metres away. Lucien took my hand and lead me deeper into the woods.  
We reached our spot, our hiding place, our sanctuary. I turned to face Lucien, his eyes now unashamedly devouring me. Devouring my body.  
“I’ve missed you,” I said softly. He looked as if he might smile, but then faltered. I watched the flash of uncertainty on his face as the realisation of what we were about to do, what we had already done, hit him in full force. Sometimes I felt like this was the only time he acknowledged the existence of this thing between us, almost as if the rest of the time he convinced himself it wasn’t real and that he was still loyal and faithful to Tamlin. I was already too far gone to care about any of that.  
“This is wrong,” he said, shaking his head. We had a variation of this conversation every time we met, and it always went the same way. I moved closer to him, taking his hands and placing them on my waist.  
“No one has to know, remember,” I whispered, looking him in the eye.  
“I do,” he said, and sighed. I could see the battle being fought behind his eyes, the battle between his desire for me and his loyalty to Tamlin.  
“Feyre,” his voice was hoarse, his face open for once. The desire always won.  
Lucien pulled me into his chest, clutching me against him and I nestled into the embrace. His familiar scent of smoke and sweat flooded over me, and I revelled in it. He ran his hands up and over my back, played with strands of my hair. His way of making sure I was ok. Only here, only when we were alone could I show the real me. The broken me, the fragile me. The me that wasn’t pretending to be something I wasn’t, the me that wasn’t hiding from the truth or lying about what I wanted.  
We knew we didn’t have much time, so we were quick helping each other undress, and Lucien didn’t hold back from playfully slapping my ass and squeezing my breasts in the process. He dragged down my panties with his teeth and gave my damp pussy two slow, teasing licks.  
Lucien lowered me to the soft floor of the forest, making sure my head was cushioned by leaves. He rubbed his cock against my opening, and I whined softly, a plea and a demand for more. He pushed himself inside me and fucked me hard and fast. Neither of us showed any restraint. He took everything I had. I dragged my hands through his hair and left long scratches on his back with my nails. We rolled into various different positions, him flipping me over so he could fuck me from behind, pulling on my hair and spanking my butt. He was careful not to leave physical marks on me, as much as I wished he would. We couldn’t risk Tamlin noticing anything.  
I moaned and gasped as I felt Lucien’s thick, hard cock slam deeper into my pussy. This, this was what I needed after two weeks of picking out clothes and jewellery with Ianthe and faking orgasms for Tamlin. Lucien was my escape, my freedom. With him, I could forget myself. I could forget everything but the place where our bodies were joined and the building ache of pleasure inside of me. With Lucien, I wasn’t a possession, a belonging. With Lucien, I wasn’t being constantly claimed, constantly protected. With Lucien I was free, with Lucien I was my own.  
We pushed each other over the edge and I felt Lucien come inside me. We stayed like that, panting, for a few more seconds before he rolled off me and started to get dressed. I followed suit, the aftereffects of the climax still settling over me.  
Every time this happened I hoped it would take the edge off, but instead it had me craving more. I wished it wasn’t over so quickly. I wanted more time. I wanted to relax with him. Hold him. Kiss him for hours. I wanted to talk to him, the real Lucien. Not Tamlin’s emissary, not the exiled son of Autumn. The true version of himself that I glimpsed when we were alone together and that was hidden from the world whenever we weren’t.  
Once we were both fully clothed again, I wrapped my arms around Lucien’s waist, listening to the sound of his heartbeat. I wished we could stay this way forever. There was an unspoken need hanging between us. A longing for what was impossible, forbidden, and an unending frustration because this was not enough. This would never be enough.  
Lucien kissed me hard before we had to leave. Before we had to put our walls back up and live our lives in the land of pretend. Before the confines of Tamlin’s manor swallowed me up again.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kinda a filler chapter? Actually no smut in this one but some interesting plot developments. (or at least I hope they're interesting) So yeah, enjoy. There will be sexytimes in Chapter 3, whenever I get round to finishing writing it, and Chapter 4 is already half written, so hopefully updates will be more frequent for the next few days.
> 
> Thanks for reading, any comments you make or kudos you leave is much appreciated.

The following days passed the same way they had for months. I spent my days hiding in my painting room to avoid Ianthe, although, as usual, I struggled to paint anything. When I did paint, the colours were all wrong and the shapes never lined up right. It was the only room that Tamlin didn't ever follow me into. I told him that my work wasn't ready yet and I wanted to surprise him later, or that I didn't think the paintings were good enough and I only wanted him to see my best work. I suppose some of that was true. I don't think he really noticed that I never showed him the fruits of the hours I spent there. He had bigger things on his mind.

 

Outside the painting room, I still never felt alone, and it bothered the hell out of me. I was either forced to socialise with Ianthe, or cooped up inside reading and wandering the art gallery. There was one particular painting I passed one morning that captured my under stimulated imagination. It depicted a fox, and from afar it looked fairly ordinary, just the animal on an orange background. But if you looked up close, each brush stroke was crafted to look like a flame. The differing hues and textures of the individual flames created the effect of light and tone, and the colours accentuated the features of the creature. It reminded me almost painfully of Lucien.

 

Tamlin insisted on having guards accompany me whenever I requested a walk in the gardens. Beron hadn't been keeping to his borders recently, and Tamlin was worried about the possibility of an Autumn Court invasion. Or at least, that was the excuse he used for watching my every move. The only time I was ever allowed out of the manor grounds was to go hunting with Lucien, and those outings were becoming more and more rare. Sometimes, when Tamlin had a day off he'd take me to a meadow or a river in his lands on horseback, and we'd have a romantic day out together. I tried to pretend it didn't bore me. I ran out of things to talk about with Tamlin. He told me I was beautiful, he stroked my hair and kissed my neck, but it all felt forced. Whenever I said something he didn't like, he snarled at me or shut me up with kisses or sex. The sex was losing its colour too now. I felt more and more like a toy, a possession. Something to be used. He rarely asked me what I wanted or gave me choices, and if Tamlin noticed that I was becoming less and less wet each time we fucked, he didn't comment.

 

I missed Lucien. I saw him everyday, but there was a constant ache inside me, demanding to be closer to him. We'd make eye contact sometimes at dinner, and we let our shoulders brush in the hallways more often than was necessary. I didn't know what those glances and faint touches meant to him, but to me they were like droplets of water found in a desert.

 

Sometimes, when I was alone pretending to be painting, I'd run my hands over my own body and let myself relive the details of those afternoons in the forest with Lucien, my fingers reaching between my legs. Occasionally, I even did it at night once Tamlin was asleep. I knew he wouldn't like that, but if I was honest, that was part of the attraction. It was enticing, alluring, to explore and stroke myself whilst thinking of another male right under his nose.

 

One night at dinner, a couple of weeks after my last outing with Lucien, Tamlin pleasantly surprised me for the first time since Under the Mountain.

 

“I'm planning on going away tomorrow to the Autumn Court border.”

 

Lucien and I both stopped eating at once. I glanced to Lucien, wondering if Tamlin would have deigned to inform him of this development, but Lucien looked just as surprised as I was. I made sure not to meet his eyes for too long.

 

“For what purpose?” Lucien asked after a beat of silence.

 

“There is… concern among some of the sentries stationed there that Beron wants to expand his territory, that he wants to push his borders. I think my presence there for a day would show strength, and make him think twice before a potential invasion.”

 

The urge to look at Lucien, to acknowledge between us what this could entail, became overpowering.

 

“I would usually invite you to come with me, Lucien, but considering this involves Beron, I don't think it would be wise,” Tamlin continued, oblivious to the tension in the air.

 

“Yes,” Lucien said, “I'll stay and look after things here.”

 

“How long will you be gone?” I asked, finding my voice. I looked to Tamlin, furrowing my brow as if scared to be apart from him.

 

“Only two days and a night. I leave at dawn tomorrow and return for dinner in two days time.” He reached for my hand across the table, squeezing it as if to reassure me. I squeezed it back.

 

Tamlin’s interest in my welfare was short lived. He turned his head to Lucien’s side of the table, “I trust you to keep all my affairs in order. The sentries have faith in you and will answer to you.”

 

Lucien nodded, deliberately not looking at me.

 

We continued to eat our meal, Lucien and Tamlin discussing Lucien's tasks for the next two days. I smiled vacantly when Tamlin looked in my direction and said very little.

 

The following night with Tamlin was relentless and tiring, but just as unsatisfying as all the others. I went through the motions but couldn't say by the end that I gained any real pleasure from it.

 

At dawn, Lucien and I stood on the front steps to bid him farewell. He was going on horseback and taking a couple of guards.

 

Tamlin ran over the arrangements for his time away with Lucien one last time. “Look after Feyre for me,” he said, his parting words to Lucien. Lucien promised he would. Tamlin kissed and embraced me before getting on his horse and leaving.

 

We watched the horses canter towards the gate and listened to the sound of receeding hoofbeats. Neither of us moving, we stood there for a few long moments, moments of waiting and hoping and holding back from looking at each other. The slither of light and freedom we’d been granted was so fragile and finite and breakable, we were too scared to even look at it in case it was taken from us. At least, that’s how it felt to me.

 

I turned to face Lucien, and he finally met my eyes. Lucien said nothing more, but his gaze was still locked on mine as he opened the doors and ushered me into the Spring Court. I knew then that I would’ve followed him anywhere, if only he asked.


End file.
